Realization

I have come to realize in my quest to keep my new years resolution that i am finding out more and more about myself. I have figured out that the part i miss most about being in a relationship is the having someone to sleep with. Not even in just the sexual part but in the having another warm blooded human in your bed. Its very comforting. Its my favorite thing about relationships is that you don't have to sleep alone. Its like a safe comfortable satisfied peaceful feeling, knowing that i am just inches away from someone that i care about. Someone that loves me for me. Someone who is there not only because they love me but because i love them. I don't really feel the need to go on and on about this. So in conclusion, my favorite part about relationships is not having to sleep alone. And its nights like these nights where i miss you so bad.

More Detail

So I want to just list somethings that i want to involve in my new serenity routine.

1. read comics
2. make something delicious to eat/drink [you can't force it]
3. do yoga
4. [sub category. meditation. thinking and finding inner peace go along with this one]
5. do something to make the world a better place
6. shower, don't do you hair, and only put the bare minimum of make up on,
7. make it my goal to spend the whole day trying not to say negative things about myself or others

So thats about it... nothing to strict though the most important rule about my serenity routine is i need to do what my heart desires above all else.

Good times for serenity routine to happen

• sunday morning
• thursday night
• anytime I feel stressed or out of whack
• before sleep in general is cool if I don't have anything to do the next day

I am going to try and do serenity routine tomorrow after i get my books and clean my room... I will have to get up and get shit done if that is going to happen. because I really want to spend my day chilling by myself in my own thoughts and I don't know when brittany will be back and I don't really want to do yoga in front of her. Oh shit I just realized something... We don't get a news paper............ this is horrid news............... i dont know what to do right now.......... i have a plan, we'll see if it works but i really got to get on it cause i can't waste anymore time!!

Comics and Yoga

i want to make a tradition that my sunday mornings should be devoted to the comics and to yoga. it will be the best sunday morning ever, peanut butter and jelly... sounds delicious.

New Years So Far

I am sitting on my couch eating hummus and veggies and turkey watching the bible network on television. I am ready for this new year. I have wiped my slate clean. Detached from all my annoying bad influences of guys. I have a new outlook on life right now. Make myself happy first. I know it sounds selfish but its really what I need to do. I always focus on making sure other people are happy first I end up forgetting my own needs and I end up screwing myself. I am not going to put my needs aside just to please someone else. I just get so upset when I realize that all my people pleasing hasn't gotten me anywhere but hurt. I will do anything for my friends and I still will, but they deserve it. Its the random people that I try and please so that they will like me. Guys and girls alike. I just can't keep doing this to myself because right now I pretty much hate all boys and really its only because I have trusted and put a lot of effort into pleasing them and all they want is to get lucky, and its not really fair for me to think that. But no matter what I do it seems like all I can think about is how upset I am and how much I just want to go back in time and re-do things, which is no way to live. So from now on I am going to have a smile on my face and a fuck you attitude cause from this day on I am living for myself.

Thoughts from Samantha

I catch my self wondering about the subject a lot. I feel that we are all here for a reason. I don't believe life is something to be taken advantage of. And I constantly find myself back at the same old question. What's the point of religion. I was raised in a totally christian background. We went to church every sunday morning, and if for some reason we didn't we would read children's books about jesus and gods miracles. Church was just a part of life. but what church represented was not a part of life. What most people view as religion or spirituality is really just people create to make a common habit out of a group of people. Church is a performance and we have begun to replace god with how good our performances are. I think people need to get a reality check and back up an look at "religion" as a more whole view. Todays most popular religions, or at least all the ones I have looked at, all share the most basic points. These points being; Be nice to one another, Do good not evil, Don't do anything that is going to cause more harm than good in the long run, and Keep yourself responsible of yourself.(Be who you are). So because I keep getting distracted I am going to try and keep this last part short. since all religions share common points, all religions are basically the same, with only cultural differences, therefore the specific head honcho is really not all that important in the scheme of things. Which makes the cultural differences the reason that in different locations different head honchos are chosen. Depending on the background and culture of where the most common religions were first established is what the head honcho is going to be. That areas best guess at what perfect would be. So is there nesceacily a god, maybe not but there is a sense of spirit or knowledge or  whole well being-ness or a more abstract sense of what peace/perfectness should be. it has adapted into religion to make us more likely to listen and think and make choices dependent upon its own thoughts.

Okay I am done writting. I am tired and Anna wants to check her facebook. So I dont really know how to do a good bye that represents me with out seeming gaudy and fake. So I am just going to say bye. So bye.

fireworks and dreams.

Comparing a relationship or feelings about someone to fireworks, is, in my opinion, not very good. Think about it. Fireworks don't last. I mean the anticipation is awesome, then they take off and you wonder just how its going to turn out, then boom big explosion lots of colors, sure its awesome and magical but it lasts for only a second and then its gone and nothing is left, except sometimes smelly smoke and burnt little pieces. I was watching a fireworks show to day and it was amazing but this was all I could think about during it. 

Okay so I had a horribly stressful dream last night. So I was in my third semester at UTC and I had been attending classes for a while. Basically my dream was just like normal life in college. I saw the same people and went to the same places. That is until I realized that I had forgotten to attend my 8 am morning classes for the first three weeks of school. I just completely forgot. So I tried to drop them but it turned out that I couldn't drop anymore classes, so my only choice was to start going and try and pick up where everyone else was. but it just happened to be the days I started going were on test days. It was horrible. I woke up really stressed out and upset. but then I realized its only summer and felt a million times better!

"We make a living by what we get, we make a life by what we give."

Day 2

Alright so I haven't been updating my blog. Oops. Its actually because I have been writing in a journal. I have decided to write something every day for 100 days. I don't really know why but I am going to do it. Today is day 2.. so far so good.

So I am going to be a skate boarder. Well not really but I am getting a skateboard and I am going to learn to ride it, and its going to be amazing. I am designing one right now with help of my special friend Joe. I have a couple of guys lined up to help teach me as well. I also want to play more guitar this summer. Once I am home and have access to one. I think that is what I am going to ask for for my birthday from the parental units. School is going well right now. A little stressed but I am more not looking forward to leaving all my friends for the summer. Its going to suck really bad.. we are all saying that we are going to hang out and meet up over the summer but I am pretty sure thats not going to happen. But never fear we are all living across from each other next year so we will be reunited!! I am so happy with the friends I have made this year. People say the friends you make in college are your friends for life, and if thats true then I will be a happy camper. We all go together like peanut butter and jelly. 

stuff i need to do

write a letter

make 2 greek show adds

design skateboard

sleeeep

give myself a pedicure.. long needed

I think thats about it for now. The UTC garbage truck has just made its pick up right outside my window like always. Why in the world would they decided to have the loudest dumpster dumping truck pick up time to be at 2 am.. I have no idea, but every night it never fails to wake me up. Although I already am up... oh well. Thats about all I have to say. I am being ADHD so peace and love homes!!